Do you think a lot about your marriage? Is that an understatement? Is OBSESS more like it?
If you have marriage problems, you probably spend a lot of time and energy THINKING about your circumstances. You’ve probably analyzed your spouse, your marriage, and what happened to your relationship from every possible angle.
And the chances are good that others have weighed-in on your situation too. Have you discussed your problems with a friend, a family member, or a counselor?
An astute analysis of your relationship can be helpful. It sometimes leads to problem-solving ideas that work.
Talking about your situation can be helpful too. Most people find it therapeutic.
But sometimes the problem with thinking and talking about your marriage so much is that it becomes a substitute for DOING SOMETHING. Analyzing your marriage can be productive, but if you want change, there’s nothing like taking ACTION.
I once did a series of private phone sessions for someone who had been in therapy for over a year. In our first session, I asked what changes she and her husband implemented since beginning therapy. She said, “Well, no real changes. But I understand our problems much better.”
I call that “analysis paralysis.”
The great philosopher Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” This is very true. But the unlived life is not worth examining!
THOUGHT and ACTION are like husband and wife. If you’re missing one, you can’t have a marriage.
Rigorous thinking gives rise to intelligent action. And action gives critical feedback for further thought. Ultimately, it’s the combination of the two that leads to clarity and a changed marriage.
Love is articulated in the vocabulary of ACTION. New thoughts and new words are useful when they inspire you to DEMONSTRATE new behavior.
If you’re ready to think differently about your marriage and act in a way that will create demonstrative change in your relationship, register for the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp.
We were on the verge of divorce. He moved out and filed. I was lost. I purchased the Lone Ranger because he was done. Within weeks he went from ignoring everything I said to spending time together. We reconciled. He moved home.