Hello, my name is Carl. My wife Susan and I have been married for eighteen years. Throughout the past eighteen years, it wasn’t always smooth sailing for the both of us. Being that we are both very different, and aren’t able to see each other’s point of view on most occasions, we certainly clash a lot. In the past, when we used to disagree, we would both finally give up and sleep on it. Lately, my wife doesn’t let anything pass, and not only does she disagree but she calls me every name in the book. It’s gotten so bad that I actually asked around about how to tell if your wife is emotionally abusive.
From day one, I knew my wife wasn’t the sweetest but I never thought that she meant any harm by her personality. I just figured she was just cold by nature but deep down, she was a teddy bear. As years went by, I noticed that maybe she isn’t that teddy bear that I thought she was. Maybe everyone was right about her, and maybe she was being mean to me.
If I ever make a mistake, which I happen to do very often, my wife berates me. I’m pathetic, I’m a loser, and certainly no one wants me around. I can never be half as good as a parent as she is, and when it comes to friends, no one really likes me because I am incapable of keeping any friends. My job is a joke. Whatever comes out of my mouth is dumb. Basically, whatever I do is wrong and I’m horrible for being me.
As years went by, people always asked what I saw in my wife. I didn’t want anyone to know that not only do her words hurt me, but the fact that other people notice her attitude towards me hurts me even more. I try to keep my feelings to myself, but being constantly embarrassed does not make the situation any better.
Not only are my peers noticing what my wife does, our children notice as well. They always ask why I don’t stand up for myself, and instead of telling anyone my real feelings, I pretend that nothing is wrong and that everyone is “hearing wrong”. I want the lady that I fell in love with, and the lady that I have spent many years with that didn’t treat me the way I am treated now. Obviously there was something or things about me that she did like. I want her to get those opinions back.
I finally grew sick of hiding my true feelings, and wondering “How to tell if your wife is emotionally abusive?” I wanted a change and wanted one quick. To my surprise, my wife agreed with me. Together, we participated in Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness program. Through this program, we were able to learn how to respect each other, and turn our negative feelings into positive ones. I know it will take time, but I’m happy that my wife and I finally agree on improving our marriage.
We unsuccessfully went to marriage counseling. I wanted to make things work but didn’t know where to turn. I found Mort’s program on the internet. I liked the alternative approach to counseling. Overall it has been a steady improvement.
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