Does your husband ever say hurtful things that make you question why you ever got married in the first place? Well mine used to.
My name is Keisha and I was so close to separating from my husband, Mike, that I carried my lawyer’s phone number in my purse. Want to know how Mike and I saved our marriage.
Keep reading to learn how we went from having terrible arguments to falling more in love with each other than ever before.
Mike and I didn’t get married young, but we did get married fast. We met in our mid 30s and both had successful careers. After dating for only 3 months, Mike proposed and a year later we were married. Dating, we were inseparable since day 1. Married, we fought like a starving pack of Rottweilers.
Looking back, I think our independence and career drive created unexpected tension when we married. It was our first time living together and Mike had his routines and I had mine.
Unfortunately I quickly learned that my husband would say hurtful things when his routine was interrupted. At first, I tried to let it slide, hoping he’d stop or realize he was making me upset. But as he got more comfortable speaking his mind with me, the verbally abusive comments became more common.
This went on for months….
By the time I finally stood up for myself, Mike simply replied, “Don’t take everything so personally.” It was a night that I spent hours in the kitchen cooking for him and his parents. After I finally got a chance to sit down and eat, Mike made a snide remark about his steak.
I snapped, and right in front of his parents told him that I couldn’t take the hurtful things he was saying anymore. I screamed and shouted, and he didn’t even acknowledge his fault.
The next day a divorce lawyer’s number found its way into my purse. After another month of abuse I convinced myself to call it. But first I tried one last thing.
Over the past few years—and especially since I got a smartphone—I had gotten in the habit of “googling” any question that popped in my head. My last resort before I called the lawyer was searching for “my husband says hurtful things” online.
And I’m glad I did!
I found marriagemax.com and started reading through the blog. I discovered hundreds of couples with marriage problems just like mine. And they were all claiming that this online alternative to marriage counseling helped them save their marriage.
It seemed too good to be true, but I had to try something!
I confronted Mike and let him know that this was it. He participates in the program with me and changes his behavior—or I want out. He agreed with no hesitation. I think it helped that it was online and he didn’t have to spill his problems to a counselor he didn’t know.
The online alternative to marriage counseling had us talking every night and completing exercises designed to increase and facilitate communication in marriage. It worked.
By the end of the first week, Mike really began to understand how he was hurting me. By the end of the second week he was a changed man. Of course we still get in arguments, but now they’re more productive than hurtful.
If you’re experiencing similar problems with a controlling or passive aggressive husband saying hurtful things, I strongly recommend filling out the form below. You’ll receive free marriage tips to your email that will get you started repairing your marriage.
If it could make my husband make such a 360, I’m sure it could work for yours as well!
We unsuccessfully went to marriage counseling. I wanted to make things work but didn’t know where to turn. I found Mort’s program on the internet. I liked the alternative approach to counseling. Overall it has been a steady improvement.