Hello, my name is Ann Marie. Thirty two years ago, my husband Mike and I got married. Throughout all of our years of marriage, we have certainly had our fair share of adversities. One of the most difficult things that we had gone through was bankruptcy. Not only was it a wakeup call for the both of us to quit spending what we don’t have, it was a huge surprise to me. My husband throughout all of our marriage, never told me that we were having financial difficulties. He would always lead me to believe that we were very comfortable. I would like to share with you what happened the day that I found out we were living a lie. It made me wonder how to make my husband tell me the truth.
My husband and I lived the high life for most of our marriage. Whatever I wanted, I got. Our vacations were always the best vacations, our clothing was always the newest designs, and our cars were the cars that everyone complimented. As much as it sounds superficial, we always stressed to our children that it isn’t money that is important. We always focused on love and respect, it was just an extra plus to have money.
The day that I found out that our marriage that we put so much trust, love and respect into, included a severe amount of debt, instead of what I once thought was “extra” money was a day that I will never forget. My children were served with papers stating how much debt we were really in. It is one thing for me to be shocked about the papers that were delivered to us, but to have my children witness their parents living a lie destroyed me.
I had so many questions going through my mind. Why wouldn’t my husband ever tell me that we really didn’t have the money that we were spending? Why would my husband keep on spending money that he certainly knew that he didn’t have? If my husband lied about this, what else is he lying about? How do I explain to my children that it wasn’t me that lied to them without throwing my husband under the bus? Where do I go from here? So many questions, and I really had no idea how to even begin answering them.
When I approached my husband about what had happened, instead of coming clean and telling me that we were in financial trouble, he made excuse after excuse claiming that those papers were a mistake, and that he would handle it right away. Usually, I would believe my husband and his excuses but this time, for some strange reason I knew that my husband was lying to me. He had been lying to me all along, and he didn’t know how to do anything without lying to me.
Knowing that my husband had been lying to me for all of these years, and he had been lying to our children as well, made me sick to my stomach. What he didn’t realize is that I would not be angry if we didn’t have the money, I felt so fortunate with my family that money was an extra bonus. I was angry that he got us into this mess knowingly.
I needed something to be done to resolve everything that had resulted from Mike’s lies. I needed to answer how to make my husband tell me the truth. After going back and forth with solutions, my husband and I decided that Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness program was the best option. Using this program, we were able to learn how to be honest and have a healthy line of communication between us.
It was the darkest time of my life. You always hear “it takes two” and my husband was not interested. Ultimately, I changed so much…our marriage is better than it was…because of Mort’s help.