Do you know what happens after you plant the seed of a Chinese Bamboo Tree?
Nothing. That’s right. Absolutely nothing. For 4 years after planting the seed of this tree you get no satisfaction other than a tiny shoot coming out of a bulb. Must be something wrong, right? A still birth or stunted growth. A bad seed maybe.
If you didn’t know about the growth patterns for this tree, you’d think that all your efforts to plant and cultivate were useless.
But, in fact, what’s happening all the time is that underneath the ground there’s a massive root structure that’s forming. You can’t see it, but it’s there and it’s HUGE. Then, in the 5th year, the Chinese Bamboo Tree grows and grows and grows, sometimes up to EIGHTY FEET tall!
Marriages sometimes grow like Chinese Bamboo Trees. You try and try doing kindnesses, giving gifts, being gentle, sharing a joke, but sometimes it takes months, even years before you SEE the growth. But all the while you’re making deposits into a secret account that all of a sudden (that’s the way it seems, but, in fact, my point is that it’s not all of sudden) begins paying dividends.
It takes maturity to be patient. And it takes maturity to be willing to give your spouse the time they need to grow and to see that time as an opportunity for you to grow too.
There’s a women who recently did the Marriage Fitness Program who has been asking her husband to join her at the dinner table for SIX MONTHS. And for 6 months he’s been rejecting her as he takes his dinner into the family room to eat in front of the TV. He was punishing her. He was angry.
For 6 months she took the rejection. Every day for 6 months she asked him to come to dinner and everyday he said “No.”
One day, unannounced, and for no apparent reason, he said to her while she was fixing dinner in the kitchen, “Can I join you at the table tonight?”
“Yes,” she said, and turned away to wipe her tears.
Did she deserve 6 months of the silent treatment? No one does no matter what the reason. But don’t let anyone tell you to give up. It’s NEVER too late. Things change. People change.
The question is:
1) How do I learn to be patient?
2) What EXACTLY can I do in my marriage that will build that root structure and lead to a BREAKTHROUGH with my spouse?
I’ll be answering those 2 questions in depth as well as offering literally hundreds of other practices and principles in the next Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp. If you’re serious about saving and restoring your marriage, there’s no reason NOT to do this program. It’s guaranteed (see here for details), convenient (you don’t have to go anywhere – all you need is a telephone), and it’s proven to work. And if your spouse won’t do it with you, don’t worry about it, there’s a LONE RANGER TRACK designed specifically for you that’ll teach you how to single-handedly change your situation AND motivate your spouse to join you in the marriage renewal process.
It was the darkest time of my life. You always hear “it takes two” and my husband was not interested. Ultimately, I changed so much…our marriage is better than it was…because of Mort’s help.
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