My Husband Ignores Me

Very often we hear from women that “my husband ignores me”; if you are in this situation, you are not alone. Susan D. was in this very position and shared her story with us.

Mr. Fertel,

I have thought long and hard about writing a testimonial for the Marriage Fitness Program. The problem was where to begin and when to stop writing about the success I have achieved (with Mr. Fertel’s help) but here goes:

“If the term obstinate spouse were in the dictionary then my husband’s picture would take up the whole page!”

We fit the pattern of couples married for a very long time, 24 years. In these days odds are against that. And, like many long-married couples, we had fallen into a rut. Same old routine day in and day out. Somewhere along the way we stopped trying to connect with each other. My husband started filling his time with church work 4 to 5 days a week, not including actually going to church on Saturday and Sunday (we’re Catholic so there are masses both days). I think he realized that might have been excessive and cut back, but that was only after I complained and complained about never seeing him. This was the real problem: he was so used to spending time away from me and getting what he should have been getting from the me that he only switched his focus to sports, visiting his father 5 to 6 times a week (his father is in excellent health, but they have common interests), even spending hours talking to his favorite garage mechanic. No, there were no extra-marital affairs, thank goodness.

I am not blameless either. I spent at least 8 hours a day in the garden, often more, and for some reason it took priority over what little time my husband was home. So we tried regular marriage counselling. After paying a good deal of money to be beaten up by the counselor about my health issues causing all the problems in our relationship (chronic depression among other biggies) we stopped because of financial reasons around Christmas time. My husband has not mentioned anything about going back. Imagine spending your 24th anniversary by yourself while your husband declared he was going out to clean the garage, and then went off to spend the rest of the day with his father! No “Happy Anniversary” card, absolutely no mention at all, and he was the one who had always remembered the date.

So, during one of my many nights with insomnia, I Googled marriage counselling and Mort Fertel’s name came up. I read through the whole site. And I couldn’t believe how much sense his approach to marital problems made. Yes, it would seem “counter-intuitive” as he explains but traditional counselling did absolutely no good for us. Within the week I signed up for the Lone Ranger track. I have read his book, am on the second reading now; listened to all the CDs, poured through the notebook. I can honestly say that there wasn’t any question or problem that wasn’t covered in the materials.

He gave the best advice I have ever heard about marriage problems . It’s been three full months. And guess what? My husband has started joking with me again! I don’t remember how long it’s been since that happened. We talk! He even is starting to make physical contact again instead of trying his hardest not to brush against me (that was one of the worst things to endure).

Hope is a wonderful thing.

It’s worth all the hard work to rebuild a successful and loving
marriage.

Susan D.