“It seems like my husband insults me every chance he gets. He’s often joking, but it still hurts…”
This is a classic tale that I hear a number of times from a number of people.
Many men even confess that they suffer from the same problem. “Often, my wife insults me in front of friends and company. It’s not funny to me and it seems to be even more sad for them…”
You may wonder why this kind of action goes unnoticed by your partner, but the truth is that it doesn’t. They know what they’re doing, but they often don’t realize the true effects.
The underlying problem is that they can’t hear the pain or the voice crying out and saying “My husband insults me and I don’t know how much more I can take!”
Hi, my name is Carol and I am a guest blogger on Mort’s site. Keep reading and I’ll tell you a story about a couple that used to have these problems and what you can do to solve your issues.
No matter who you are or what kind of relationship you’re in, issues with communication often surface.
Some couples may experience them within their first year of being together. Others don’t experience any problems for decades.
What does this have to do with your spouse insulting you?
Sometimes, a spouse doesn’t realize the true effect of their words. Whether they’re accustomed to prior circumstances, or don’t know just how much they’re hurting you.
It’s vitally important, however, that you differentiate between a communication breakdown and verbal abuse. That way you’ll know when you can say “my husband insults me” and when you have to say “my husband abuses me.”
Verbal Abuse – This is defined by Kathy Bosch, an Extension Family Life Education specialist, as “persistent behavior using words or mind games to instill self doubt and build the abuser’s confidence.”
So if your partner is insulting you through harsh criticism, unfair judgments, threats, undermining, name calling or anything else that is destroying your self-esteem and independence, then you may have an abuse issue. If this is the case, then you need to seek help from a counselor and the proper authorities.
Problems with communication can often lead to other issues in your relationship. Most partners joke around with each other, but when there is a rift between partners, much can get lost and jokes that were once acceptable may no longer be.
Relationships evolve over time, and sometimes remainders of another time stick around longer than they should. “My husband insults me too much…” is what you’re thinking, but he thinks he’s being cute. If your partner is making fun of you, you need to tell them how you really feel.
“I loved her sense of humor,” Patrick tells me. “So I always admired the way that she could turn a dull or frustrating moment into something to laugh about.”
“I never knew that she was so hurt by the things that I said…” he exclaimed.
It was surprising to hear this from Patrick because of what had happened just a few weeks before this conversation.
A beautiful young woman in her early thirties approached me for advice. “My husband insults me, but I can’t seem to tell him just how much it hurts…”
I asked her just what she said to him and she replied, “I don’t remember, but he should know by now that it makes me upset!”
The advice that she needed to hear is the same that you need to know…
Every couple has their own differences. What’s important is that you’re able to meet on common ground and accept each other’s differing thoughts and opinions.
Jackie used to love the way that Patrick poked fun at her. Now, she’s grown older and those little comments started to seem much more pointed. Time turned this small difference in perception between this couple into a big problem.
To fix the things in your marriage, I’ll give you the same advice that this couple needed to hear.
Miscommunication and failing to see eye-to-eye can be solved, however. When you’re thinking, “My husband insults me way too much…”, he may be thinking that he’s being cute.
Establishing open lines of honest communication is essential for the success of any relationship. This is exactly why you need to address insults in your relationship. No matter how lost you may feel, you you can always reconnect with your spouse and develop new ways to share life’s experiences.
So, please, don’t give up hope when you don’t have to. By working with each other and discussing what you need from your partner, you may be able to rekindle the love you once had.
My husband left me because he was "drowning." My therapist was leading me to divorce. I listened to Mort's program. With the grace of God it worked!