I have been married to Steve for almost 6 and a half years now with an ongoing issue: My husband loves his mother more than me. From the start of our relationship, this issue was extremely prominent. As the “girlfriend,” It was not my place to comment on their bond. The intensity of their bond was overwhelming to the point where I thought my opinion did not matter. When my mother in law was around I knew I came second. I told myself to hang on; it would get better when we were married.
Planning my wedding was disastrous to say the least. Our wedding turned out to be her fairy tale wedding because Steve only wanted to please his mother. I should have sent out invitations with my mother in law’s name instead of my name because my husband loves his mother more than me. It felt as if Steve gave more attention to his mother at our wedding than he gave me. I did not want to look jealous so I kept my feelings to myself. Again, I told myself it would all get better once we were married and had our home and family.
As life went on, not a day would pass where Steve did not remember to call his mother. Any chance we got, we had to go visit his mother’s home. He would even confirm any decision I made with his mother. I expressed my feelings of distress on multiple occasions but Steve would only tell me I was being ridiculous. After a few years Steve finally agreed to attend traditional marriage counseling with me. Needless to say, two different therapists were unable to solve our issue. I really appreciated Steve’s family values but felt that I could not be in a marriage where my husband loves his mother more than me. At this point I felt hopeless and trapped.
Mother’s day was obviously always a huge celebration in Steve’s family. We had twin boys four years after we got married. I was so excited that Steve would finally celebrate me, as the mother of his beautiful children. But I was extremely disappointed to learn that Steve was only interested in celebrating with his own mother. I had to go to his mother’s house and put on a fake smile. Steve promised we would have our own dinner when we got home. Instead, Steve invited his mother back with us. At this point I felt done. I refused to compete for Steve’s attention anymore. That night I contacted Mort Fertel from Marriage Fitness who suggested we join the Marriage Fitness Boot Camp. Thankfully, Steve agreed to try this program with me. I could not be happier with the amazing results. Steve learned to love and appreciate me while juggling his relationship with his mother. And most importantly, I learned to accept and appreciate Steve’s relationship with his mother.
My wife moved out Nov. 1. I call your program “How to save your marriage for dummies.” My wife and I are together, in love like 18 year olds, and happier than we’ve been in years. So, Mr. Mort, thank you. God bless you.
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