Hello, my name is Carolyn. For the past few years, my husband Rick and I have been experiencing rough patch after rough patch in our marriage. We can’t seem to get out of the funk and I am afraid that my marriage is falling apart.
When my husband and I got married, it seemed like I met my Prince and we would live happily ever after. Nothing that my husband did would bother me, and to me, he was perfect. The problem was that it wasn’t perfect. In fact it was far from perfect, I just wasn’t aware of it. It seems that everyone else was aware of my marital problems except me.
What my husband hid from me for years, was that he was having an affair for the majority of our marriage. He had an affair from the beginning and kept it a secret from the beginning as well. The day that I found out that he had an affair with multiple women, I of course didn’t believe it. How in the world would my husband of so many years find women outside of our marriage? What did I do I do that my husband felt that he should find someone else? How could my husband live with knowing that I had no idea about what he was doing? Why me?
I had so many questions going through my mind. My nights were full of pacing back and forth trying to find at least one answer and I was left with nothing. I didn’t know what to do with my husband. I wanted so much to leave him after what he did but I just couldn’t. For some crazy reason, I loved my husband too much to really come to the reality that he would pursue other women. I felt bad for my husband. I actually believed him when he said that he couldn’t help it, and that he was sorry.
It was extra hard because everyone knew what was going on throughout my marriage except me. Finding someone to trust was extremely difficult for me. I just felt that there was nowhere to turn, and I should just stay in this marriage and forgive my husband. So I figured the last twenty or so years, I have been embarrassed so I just pretended I didn’t know what was going on and stuck with the marriage.
Even though I forgave my husband, I certainly didn’t forget what he did. I also couldn’t understand why he was so public about his affairs to people and why he thought it would be okay to take the women to places that we as a married couple, so frequently visited. But I accepted my husband’s apology, yet I couldn’t help but feel sorry for both him and myself. I felt bad for him because he obviously had many other issues that he was trying to mask, and for me because I was in this alone. And I have been alone for all of these years, and I had no idea.
I couldn’t get over the feeling of being alone, being lied to, and being embarrassed. After fighting for quite a while, I realized that my marriage is falling apart. I needed something to be done, and it had to be quick. After searching the internet for days, we finally compromised on using Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness program. Through this program, my husband and I were able to work through our many differences all from the comfort of our own home.
I was very reluctant to do the program, but I told my wife Michelle I would do it, essentially as a last ditch effort. It turned out to be one of the major things that helped save our marriage.