“My wife insults me with harsh comments…”
If you don’t think this is a problem shared men from all over the world, then you’re wrong.
Hello, my name is Kevin and I am a guest blogger on Mort’s website. I would like to share my experiences and advice on how to get your wife off your back and on your side.
By and large, women are known as the more nurturing of the sexes. They’re considered more gentle, more tactful and more emotionally intuitive than most men.
However, no woman is above making comments that hurt, anger or demean her husband.
If this is a constant problem, your wife may need counseling to deal with anger or resentment that may have nothing at all to do with you. If this is an occasional issue, there’s a lot that the two of you can do to deal with it. Continue reading why your wife might insult you.
Even normally peaceful women tend to lash out when they’re angry, often with words they don’t really mean or believe.
In the case of your wife, that lashing out takes the form of an insulting or demeaning comment about you. It’s important that you talk about the effect that this is having on you. If she usually apologizes or retracts her words later, she may think that there is no lasting effect.
One thing you can try is to ask her to start her comments with the word “I” rather than the word “you” when she feels an insult coming on. Very often, when a woman says something like “You’re lazy!”, what she really means is “I feel like you don’t care about me because you don’t help around the house.” One way she can remember to try this is to remind herself “It’s all about me”, when you’re in an argument.
In truth, when you’re arguing it is “all about me.” Couples don’t fight so much about what was done or said, but about how it made them feel. BY starting her sentences with “I” instead of “you”, your wife is more likely to tell you about how she feels than how you’ve failed.
Another common complaint is that a wife makes comments, either alone or in front of others that are meant to be in jest but are hurtful just the same. Sometimes women do this merely to try to be funny; other times, they’re trying to establish a commonality.
For instance, a friend’s wife says that her husband bought her the wrong flowers for Valentine’s Day and your wife jokes that you usually buy her a plastic rose from the 7-11. If that’s true, your wife is probably trying to get your attention by publicly joking about something that privately hurts. If it isn’t true, she’s probably just trying to commiserate. Either way, you feel insulted.
Biting back with a retort is tempting, especially when you’re embarrassed in front of others. However, it’ll only call more attention to your wife’s comment and likely escalate into an argument later.
When the two of you are alone, explain that her comments, joking or not, degrade and hurt you. She honestly may not be aware of the pain she’s causing. Even if she is aware, try to talk about whether there are underlying issues. Is she trying to call your attention to a resentment she’s been harboring?
Marriage is a work forever in progress. You’re never finished perfecting it, unless it’s over. If your wife insults you or you insult her, for whatever reason, both retaliation and swallowing your hurt silently are equally destructive.
It’s often difficult for spouses to be completely honest with one another in situations like this, but it’s often the best thing you can do.
A healthy relationship requires established lines of communication, so if you feel that you can’t voice your concerns with your spouse, then you may need to seek help.
You’ve already taken the first steps by reading this article. It isn’t always easy to ask for help, but sometimes it’s completely necessary.
If you’re ready to repair your marriage, then it’s time to take a few more steps in the right direction.
I developed Marriage Fitness for couples who needed a powerful counseling tool to help them work through their problems. It’s designed so that it can done with both spouses together, or on your own.
It’s fast, it’s effective, and your first lesson is free. So if you’re unsure if this can help your relationship, then I urge you to give it a try with no obligations.
All you need to do is click here to fill out this request form and I’ll send you my first e-course “7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage” at no cost.
My husband left me because he was "drowning." My therapist was leading me to divorce. I listened to Mort's program. With the grace of God it worked!
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