Hi, my name is Roger. Thirteen years ago, I married my high school sweetheart, Susan. We started dating our freshman year. Being that we were both young, and unable to provide our own transportation, Susan’s mom was our “chaperone” on many dates. All of these years later, she still wants to be our “chaperone”. I can’t help but say, my wife is too close to her mom.
My mother in law, Carol, is a great lady. She is always there when we need her, but my problem is that she is always there when we don’t need her. Every little disagreement that my wife and I have constantly turns into a huge blowout because Carol gives her two cents. Whatever I do is wrong, and unfortunately my wife agrees.
As much as I tell my wife to not fill her mother in on every aspect of our life, she always tells me to my face that she will keep her mother out of it but within the hour, my mother in law is calling and offering her opinion on things. If I dare to tell my mother in law to mind her own business, I have both my wife and my mother in law going crazy at me.
Not only does my mother in law stick her nose in our business, she is a constant presence in our children’s life. I love that she is a fantastic grandmother, and my children love her but if I choose to set a bedtime for my children, I expect for that bedtime to be held and not changed because Carol doesn’t think it’s a good time. The bedtime that was chosen was discussed between my wife, and I. It drives me crazy that even though my wife agreed about the time that was chosen her opinion changed once she spoke to her mother.
There have been many instances that my wife and her mother would not agree with me. I wanted so badly for my wife to value my opinion and value our relationship as husband and wife, and as the mother and father. I didn’t want her to cut off ties with her mother, I just wanted her mother to take the backseat in our marriage.
On several occasions, I spoke to my wife about my feelings but she would either laugh it off or say that I’m overreacting. Like I mentioned earlier, she would agree with me to my face but minutes later she is chatting away about our conversation. Her actions made me hurt, and feel worthless.
After reaching my breaking point, I gave my wife an ultimatum. Either she goes for counseling with me so we could learn how to be a couple, or we end our marriage so she could live happily ever after with her mother. Obviously, I was happy that she actually picked counseling.
At first, my wife thought the idea of counseling was a joke, but once she saw that I was actually looking for help, she knew that I was desperate. After searching for a while, I came across Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness program.
Yes, my wife is too close to her mom but now my wife and I are able to work on our marriage together, and now thanks to counseling, my wife is now able to maintain a healthy relationship with her mother and with me. We learned that it’s okay that my wife is too close to her mom, as long as she knows appropriate boundaries.
I was very reluctant to do the program, but I told my wife Michelle I would do it, essentially as a last ditch effort. It turned out to be one of the major things that helped save our marriage.
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