Emotional Infidelity: Denial is the Fuel

When repairing a marriage after emotional infidelity, denial is one of the first hurdles many couples face.

In many ways, denial only fuels an already stressful situation. It prevents either spouse from admitting their mistakes, and unless the problem is openly discussed, healing can never really begin.

My name is Alan and I am a guest blogger on Mort’s site. Below, I explain how to identify denial and steps you can take to recover from emotional infidelity in marriage.

Denial: What Is It and Why Is It Dangerous?

In situations of emotional infidelity, denial takes many forms.

One spouse may refuse to admit that an outside friendship with someone of the opposite sex has gone too far.
A cheating husband or wife may resort to lying about their whereabouts.

They may decide they haven’t done anything wrong. They might even go so far as to place blame on their spouse for their own mistakes.

To recover from emotional cheating, couples must first recognize moments of denial and then take action to change that denial into admission.

So what exactly does denial look like?

It’s different for every marriage, but here are some examples of the more common tactics:

“We’re just friends”- This is an age-old defense. You or your spouse may have a relationship someone else that has blurred the lines of what is appropriate. When confronted, the cheating spouse may deny the problem, saying “We’re just friends.” This may be true, but when it comes to fulfilling emotional needs, a friend should not be a substitute for your spouse.

Excusing away behavior –This form of denial goes both ways. The cheating spouse may have an answer for everything. The victim might wave their partner’s conduct away with statements like, “Oh, he’s just having fun,” or “It’s just the way he is.” The bottom line is this: behavior that is does not build a healthy marriage should never be excused away.
Displacing the blame – Often times, the spouse involved in the affair will fault their partner instead of themselves. They will throw out statements like, “If you would only do this for me.” They may also accuse their partner of being paranoid or jealous.

Don’t ask, don’t tell – In a case of emotional infidelity, denial may take a “don’t ask, don’t tell” form. Husband and wife think that if they ignore the affair, the problem will disappear on its own. This is not true. You have to cope with infidelity to move past it.
Selective memory – When confronted, some spouses will claim to forget certain events or behaviors. They will play dumb. This only escalates the tension and can lead to even more heated arguments.

Confronting Emotional Infidelity: Denial Should Be the First to Go

After an emotional affair, you may think you will never be able to reconcile your differences and wonder, “Should I stay or should I go?”

Before you pull the trigger on a divorce, remember that change comes slowly. You have to take it one day at a time.

The journey starts at denial.

Emotional Infidelity: Denial is the Fuel

In situations of emotional infidelity, denial problems must be tackled before any progress can be made in restoring a broken marriage.

Coming face to face with the truth is not an easy thing to do, but it is absolutely necessary to put your marriage back together.

Here are some suggestions about how to deal with denial:

Own up to your denial – You need to first come to a realization about your emotional infidelity and denial. Name your behavior for what it is.

Admit your mistakes – Both husband and wife should lay claim to their OWN mistakes. Stop playing the blame game and voice where you went wrong. Then strategize and come up with a plan to change yourself, not your spouse.

Forgive each other – Once you have aired out your dirty laundry, so to speak, you need to offer forgiveness to each other. Once you let go of the past, you can begin focusing on how to improve your relationship today.

Get help –Emotional infidelity, denial, betrayal and brokenness cannot be overcome alone. Turn to an experienced professional who can guide you as you restore your marriage.

You might wonder, “Is marriage counseling really for me?”

I have helped hundreds of couples repair their marriages through my products and services. I can do the same for YOU.
Go to the top of this page and fill out the information form. I will send you “7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage” – absolutely free.

No one is beyond hope.

7 Secrets To Fixing Your Marriage

Learn how to reconnect, rebuild broken trust, get over the past, stop a divorce...

Fix Your Marriage.
Over 90% Success Rate.

Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel is an alternative to counseling. It's the most successful marriage crisis program in the world.

Get 7 Secrets Free Learn More

7 Weeks to the Marriage You Really Want

90% Success Rate

Most Popular Program

Accessible Immediately

Lone Ranger and Duo Track

Trusted by millions

Learn More

The Marriage Fitness Online Boot Camp

More Reviews

After listening to the first CD, I was blown away, and things started to make sense. Without this program, I would have said and done all the wrong things. Today, our marriage is the best it's been.

John Ellis

Acton, MA

Select a Product or Service to Continue

The Marriage Fitness
Audio Learning System

Budget Solution

Starter Program

Instant Download

Under $100 with Add-Ons

Perfect if You Can't Afford the Boot Camp


The Marriage Fitness
Online Boot Camp

90% Success Rate

Most Popular Program

Lone Ranger Track Option

Accessible Immediately

Trusted by Millions

Includes 38 Videos

TrustPilot Reviewed

Award Winning Program


1-on-1 Private Sessions
with Mort Fertel

Phone Sessions

Full Day Interventions

"House Calls"

VIP Access

Strictly Confidential


7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage

100% FREE. Click the button below and you'll learn:

How to rebuild broken trust

How to deal with "I don't love you"

How to ruin their affair

How to reconnect

How to get your spouse to change

How to get over the past

How to stop a divorce

How to avoid a separation

How to forgive and be forgiven

Plus 5 Marriage Assessments


Almost there! Please complete this form and click the button below to gain instant access.

Enter your name/email and click the button below to get started.

Secure & Confidential - I will never share or sell your information. Your privacy is important to me.