Let’s start by taking a look at an email I received from a client.
My husband is so selfish I just can’t deal with it anymore and I don’t know what to do. Please help me.
Here’s an example. He wanted to have sex one night. I told him (nicely) that I wasn’t in the mood. It’s not like we never have sex. We do. Multiple times/week. But this particularly night I wasn’t in the mood. I was tired. He tried to pressure me. I asked him, “You don’t want me to do it if I’m not into it, do you?” He said, “It doesn’t matter if you want to. Let’s just do it.”
Here’s another example. I woke up one morning last week not feeling well so I asked him to take the kids to school for me. He wasn’t working that day so he could have easily. But he said “no” that he was tired and that I should push myself to have a normal day so he could sleep in.
The examples of his selfishness go on and on.
I just don’t feel that my husband cares about me, only about himself.
When someone is selfish, they’re treating you badly. It’s because they don’t value you. It’s because the marriage is not important to them.
Let’s say I go to Marshalls and I buy a vase for $15. I might bring it home, throw it on the couch, or give it to my 8 year old. Eventually, I’ll put it on the mantel. But if I go to Sotheby’s and buy a vase for $1,000,000, you can bet I won’t throw it on the couch or give it to my 8 year old. I’ll hire a pro to secure it to the mantel immediately.
Why did I treat the vase from Marshalls so differently than the one from Sotheby’s?
Because I value them differently.
Even selfish people don’t act selfishly with things that they value, because they don’t want to jeopardize them.
With a selfish husband, you have to treat him and the marriage in a way that increases the value of you and the marriage in his mind. The result is that he’ll treat you like a $1,000,000 vase.
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I was desperate cried and begged. I found Marriage fitness. After 9 months of saying get out she said "how do we heal?" It's been 4 months since our reconciliation and we feel a sense of optimism.