My name is Kelly. For the past six years, I have been married to my husband Jack. There is one big problem that I am currently facing. I don’t love my husband anymore.
Six years ago, I got married to my husband Jack. As a boyfriend, he was the perfect catch. He was respectful, good looking, motivated and reminded me that chivalry was not dead. My family loved him which was a big deal because I am the only girl in a family consisting of eight boys. Getting my brothers approval was almost impossible so when Jack accomplished that, I decided that he was the one for me.
Dating was a lot of fun, Jack always thought of creative ideas on how to keep our spark alive. Looking back, I was so busy being enamored by the actual date that it never occurred to me that Jack and I might have had a relationship that we had fun in but as far as emotional connection, there might not have been one.
Once we were married, it seemed like everything changed. Yes, the dates were still there but it seemed like we were so focused on what we were doing that we forgot to ask each other how our day was. After trying to express my feelings to Jack, I felt like he would listen to what I was saying but then ignore my feelings. This started to make me resent Jack. Instead of appreciating all of the effort that Jack put into our time together, I kept thinking that he is trying to keep me happy by keeping me busy, but not really caring about anything that was not on the surface. I try to think that I am a real person, with a lot of valuable things to say and Jack was missing that.
Jack not having a steady job, and not doing his share of chores in the house didn’t help my resentment either. I felt like I was always nagging him to take out the garbage or even put the toilet seat down. Everything he did bothered me. It really hurts me to say, but I don’t love my husband anymore.
These feelings were something that seemed to not be going away, and they were definitely something that wouldn’t go away on its own. I needed something to change, whether it is divorce or counseling, I needed something fast because my resentment towards Jack started turning into resenting myself.
Finally I decided to speak to Jack about this, and to my surprise he actually agreed that something needed to change. He explained to me that even though I think he doesn’t listen to what I say, or he might not ask many questions, he loved me unconditionally and that he is asking for me to consider therapy.
At first I had to think about what was going on in my life, but then I realized that counseling was the way to go. I can’t give up on something without giving someone a fair chance. We found Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness program where we were able to learn how to communicate with each other. Not only did we learn so much about ourselves, and each other, we learned so many helpful skills from the comfort of our own home.
I am not going to say everything is perfect now, but what I could tell you is that we are finally getting to know each other beyond the surface.
We were on the verge of divorce. He moved out and filed. I was lost. I purchased the Lone Ranger because he was done. Within weeks he went from ignoring everything I said to spending time together. We reconciled. He moved home.
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