My name is Natasha and I want to tell you about how my husband Allan and I started to have marriage problems after our baby was born.
Our baby girl, Andrea, was the greatest thing to ever happen to me, but those first few days were hard on all of us.
I wanted to cry when the doctors told us she was born with a congenital heart defect, but I was overcome with tears of joy when they told us the surgery to fix it was a success.
But, while my little girl was safe and healthy, it was the beginning of a long and hard road for our new family—a road that was marked by several marriage problems after our baby was born.
Our insurance didn’t cover all of Andrea’s surgery, and the financial problems that resulted became the root of what threatened to drive Allan and I apart.
I was on maternity leave, so we had to rely on Allan’s paycheck to support the house and pay what we could on the medical bills.
Allan took on more work to keep up with the bills, and that led to him being more stressed when he came home from a long day.
I tried talking to him about it, but he was always on edge because of the money situation. And because taking care of Andrea proved to be a challenge with Allan gone all the time, I was on edge too.
On the rare occasions that we were both home at the same time, what little quiet we had would quickly give way to arguments that would erupt into full-on fighting.
The noise would wake the baby up, she would cry, Allan was out the door, and I was left wondering what was happening to us.
Were we growing apart? Was our marriage in trouble? Were we facing more than just financial problems in marriage?
I knew I had to do something soon, but what?
It started with the financial problems, but our marital problems after our baby was born only escalated from there.
When Allan and I weren’t arguing, there was always a thick tension around the house. With that tension, there was no intimacy in our marriage.
Sometimes I would sleep in the bed alone and Allan would fall asleep on the couch, we never kissed, we hardly even touched anymore. There was no emotion there. Our conversations would be short and to the point, and Allan rarely spent time with Andrea.
When I tried talking to him about it, he would get dismissive and not want to say anything. I persisted until I felt like I was this close to having a break down over the whole thing.
And I don’t remember what happened, how it happened, or what lead to it, I just remember sitting on the couch crying.
I don’t know how long I was there, but I felt Allan’s touch for the first time in a long time.
It was like everything came into place at that moment. He held me, we talked about our marriage problems after the baby, and we agreed that we had to work on it for our happiness and Andrea’s.
We talked to a few traditional marriage counselors, but none of them were able to help us with the problems that we were having. It wasn’t until I found an online alternative to marriage counseling that I began to regain some hope that we could come back from our marriage problems after the baby.
We found a program that focused on the importance of communication and, using that as a foundation, we were able to get the root of what was causing some of the issues in our marriage.
I know that Allan was stressed out from all of the extra work he was taking on, but he was doing it because he felt like the burden was his responsibility alone. He had my reassurance that I would be going back to my job as soon as I was able, but to him that was not enough.
I had to let Allan know that this wasn’t his responsibility to handle alone. I would be right there with him when I was able and we would work together as partners; the way it should be.
The online alternative to marriage counseling is working to rebuild our marriage one step at a time. We have a hard struggle ahead of us, but our daughter deserves the best and we’re determined to give her just that.
If you’re like me and you find yourself having marriage problems after your baby, I suggest filling out the form below. You’ll receive the kind of marriage advice that could make all the difference in the world.
It was the darkest time of my life. You always hear “it takes two” and my husband was not interested. Ultimately, I changed so much…our marriage is better than it was…because of Mort’s help.