My name is Lori and my husband doesn’t talk to me.
It takes a lot to upset a guy like Jake but, when it does happen, it can be a very hard thing to deal with.
Ever since he started behaving this way, it’s been nothing but arguments and tension in our house.
I had already reached my breaking point because of it and was this close to evaluating our marriage because of it all.
I’d like to tell you all about what happened when I came to the realization that my husband doesn’t talk to me and what I did to try to get out marriage back on the right course.
In the 11 years I had known my husband, and the 9 that I had been married to him, he was never really the kind of person to talk much about things that bothered him.
It didn’t matter if it was something small or something big.
Over the years, it was something that I had just come to accept. But that all changed a few months ago when his brother died. Shawn was only 2 years older than Jake, but they had been extremely close growing up.
When he got the phone call from a mutual friend that Shawn had been in a really bad car accident, we rushed to the hospital. Jake stayed with him for his last few days, never leaving and barely sleeping.
The night Shawn died was hard on him, of course, but that was nothing compared to the day of the funeral.
Even as I tried to comfort him, he seemed to completely shut down and stopped talking to me all together.
I gave him space, allowed him time to heal, but I think that just caused us to drift further apart.
He became depressed and would distance himself. I grew worried and tried to bring it up, but he would insist that nothing was wrong. This was something that continued for months and only seemed to become more prevalent.
At first, I was worried because my husband doesn’t talk to me, but then I became anxious because it felt like we were growing apart.
There were times when Jake would randomly disappear to be by himself when I wanted to spend time with him. When I asked some of his friends about it, they were just as confused as I was.
Was his grief really that overwhelming?
Had he found someone else?
I needed answers. I needed for Jake to talk to me again.
I went to his job and waited for him to come out. He paused when he saw me, and things were a little tense, but I couldn’t ignore this any more. If my husband won’t talk to me, then I’m going to talk to him.
Then, I told him everything. How his distant behavior made me feel like he doesn’t love me or appreciate me anymore. Explained that when my husband doesn’t talk to me, it makes me feel like the marriage isn’t going to work.
I let him know that I was afraid of losing him.
I could see that I had made some kind of breakthrough. After that, we went home and he opened up, even if only a little.
Jake explained his random disappearing as him going on long drives to clear his head. Without his brother, he felt like he was truly alone, even though he had me.
I had to make him see this, which is when I discovered an alternative to marriage counseling that talked about the importance of strong marriage communication. When I showed this to Jake and explained how much it hurt when my husband doesn’t talk to me, he agreed that we needed to work together to try to rebuild what we had.
Shawn’s death was hard on Jake but, as we worked to repair our relationship through better communication, he realized that he had me to help him become whole again.
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When I emailed you for information I thought I was headed for divorce. My husband and I listened to your audio files and they saved our marriage. You are amazing! Thank you for changing my life and saving my family. I am so grateful.