Why is my Husband So Mean to Me?

There are 2 reasons your husband is mean to you.

Why is my Husband So Mean to Me?

The first reason is that your husband is making poor choices. He’s behaving as a sub-par husband. He’s probably feeling justified, but being mean is HIS failure nonetheless.

The second reason is more actionable for you. Let me set the stage with a story…

A woman once came to a town and asked the local sage, “I’m thinking about moving here. What kinds of people live here?”

The sage asked the woman, “What kinds of people live in the town you came from?”

“Where I’m from the people are liars, cheaters, and mean spirited,” the woman responded.

“The people are the same here,” said the sage.

Then another woman came to town and asked the sage the same question, “I’m thinking about moving here. What kinds of people live here?”

The sage asked the woman, “What kinds of people live in the town you came from?”

“Where I’m from the people are wonderful, kind, and courteous,” the woman responded.

“The people are the same here,” said the sage.

You see, your husband is not only as he is, he is as you are.

What do you get when you smile at someone? You get a smile back. And if you stare at someone? You get a stare back. What you get is what you are.

We’re NOT an objective observer of the people in our life; we’re a subjective influence. In other words, you can change your husband. But not with your words; with your actions, your behavior. Say little, do much. Speak in vocabulary of your actions. Be the kind of wife that LEADS in the home and whose behavior establishes a family culture that’s infectious.

Let me give you a simple example. Let’s say you wanted to measure the temperature in a small room. So you bring a thermometer into the room and wait for a reading. But since your body temperature is 98.6 degrees, the fact that you’re in the room changes the reading you get. As long as you’re there, things are different.

It works the same in your marriage. Your relationship is not simply a function of who you pick; it’s also a function of who you are. Who you are and who your husband is mixes to form the dynamics of your marriage. I know you want your husband to change not be so mean. And YES your marriage would be better if he was more kind. But YOU changing can change things just as well.

No matter how mean your husband was, he’s responsible.

And he should change. But you played a role too. I know that’s hard to hear. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. But once you swallow it, you’re no longer a helpless victim; you become empowered to change circumstances that seemed out of your control.

Don’t just sit there sulking in the misery of your situation while you wait for your husband to change or for God to perform a miracle. If you want your situation to change, then change it! Do YOUR part. Because if YOU change, then everything around you changes too.

 

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